I woke up this morning and started "ranting" on Twitter. "Love" is pretty much the running theme in my life right now. People asking me for advice, me asking people for advice... I am learning so much and am so happy for the people working hard at their relationships, leaving poisonous ones and mostly, the people who are realizing who they are themselves within or without a relationship altogether.
The rant began after I looked at some pictures of one of my guy friends and his girlfriend of, about two years (+?), and I was just so happy for him because I remember him saying how hard it was to find a good woman and that he ultimately wanted that healthy relationship some day. I think that part of the realization of the 11 Qualifications came from watching an episode of The Millionaire Matchmaker last night. Patti Stanger had a female client, in her late 30s/early 40s, who is an über successful caterer in New York who had a "list" and control issues. Stanger's client sounds like a LOT of my friends and seeing that episode mixed with the success my friend has found in love, switched on the light bulb in my head.
I realized that YES, you SHOULD have some qualifications but, you should not have an excuse. Lists cripple your success in love. All it is, is a bunch of words that you count on in case you don't want to admit that you just aren't physically attracted to a person (or "mentally stimulated" for the phonies who act like sexual attraction isn't important to them). So many times my girls will say: "He just didn't match w/ my list." Did he not match? Or did it just not workout, because you became turned off somehow, so you're blaming it on an 8.5"x11" sheet of wood chips? He didn't align with the list? Or are you whack? He wasn't right because of the list? Or did you just go against your intuition because you knew better than to get involved with his ass?
BUT . . . I dont' want to lose your attention (for those who are actually reading this post and didn't skip to the list) so I will get right to it. Here are 11 YES or NO questions that you can apply to potential/current mates and I honestly feel like, if you can't say 'yes' to them all, you should just quit...
1.) Are they HEALTHY? -- If you look at them, do they look or behave [as in, do drugs; including cigarettes and excess drinking or those creepy mannerisms/ticks/obsessions] like a drug addict? If they do . . . that's not it.
2.) Are the generally attractive? -- Not, "easy on the eyes", I'm saying, when you look at them, do they look good to you. Not, "adonis fine", either. [Which they could be/become to you, but you know what I'm sayin'.]
3.) Could they survive without you? -- Are you the center of their universe? You don't want to be that. Are you important to them? AS important as work/play/friends/family? IT'S A GO!
4.) Do they have the sense of humor you like? -- If they can't make you laugh... [sigh] even if racist jokes are your "thing" . . . it just won't work. They have to make you laugh . . . hard and often.
5.) Do they believe in something bigger than them? -- I suggest that you two are "of the same yolk". If you're Christian he/she should be Christian. Hindu to Hindu, etc. There was a case in Chicago about a Catholic/Jewish couple who got a divorce and ended up suing one another over their baby daughters religious practices. And MORE than that, a family that prays together, stays together.
6.) Do they thrive in good AND bad times? -- Do they like . . . commit suicide EVERY TIME they're struggling? Do they ignore you when things are going well for them? That's wishy washy behavior. You need stability to build a foundation.
7.) Do they treat you & your time with respect? -- I can't tell you what that should look or feel like, only your intuition can gauge that for you.
8.) Are you sexually attracted to them (even after you have sex)? -- Even if you're saving yourself for marriage, you should "feel" a certain way about your mate. If you're not, you should feel that certain thing too. But most importantly, AFTER you actually have sex, you should still ALWAYS feel that, no matter what, it shouldn't be a CHORE to get your groove on. It also shouldn't need to be a round table discussion between your heart, spirit, genitals, brain and conscience [saying 'yes' or 'no'] EVERY TIME.
9.) Do they challenge you to become better? -- Directly or indirectly. We don't want drill sergeants but, you do want someone who sends you links that are good for your career/ideas or is constantly teaching you something new. Even a little healthy competition is good.
10.) Are they an addition to your life? (family, friends, business... even if they move you from a place, is it a smooth transition UP?). -- Do they fit in? If they do stand out, is it LIKE a sore thumb? Or are they an actual pain in the ass? Your friends don't have to love them but, they shouldn't have the feeling that they need to TOLERATE them for your sake. Your mom and dad need to approve of their character. Looks, sexuality, income, all that can be changed [some people might disagree w/ the sexuality part but, you gotta admit, it can be masked if you want it to be] and I hope your parents are more interested in their heart than the stupid things. The stereotype that in-laws and husbands/wives don't get along does not have to be true for you...but they don't need to be best friends. AND if they do "remove" you from a group of people, it should always be up, it should NEVER be against your will and it should be to a safer place. Otherwise, they are insane and might murder you or something.
11.) Do you guys spend money alike? If yes, great. If no, can you two work together towards the goal to find a balance? -- Finances are the #1 reason why people get divorced (poor AND rich people).* Can you get used to someone who spends frivolously (or not at all)? Is it okay if he buys himself a new car but won't even pay for your dinner? Is her first thought to sacrifice herself and give all of her money to friends/family okay with you? If not, can you two exist "separately" in that institution? Or can you work together to teach each other how to be more flexible here and there (which is a better idea)?
And I just added one while I was typing...
12.) Can you COMMUNICATE? Can you speak your mind without any fear that they will smack you? Can you listen to an opinion without preparing your rebuttal the WHOLE time they're pouring their heart out? Can you actually take a bit of their advice and your own and apply it to your life? Or, can you both talk, in one sitting, and stand up knowing that you've resolved the issue? Even if your style is to yell and be dramatic or maybe you become silent in heated situations... Can you two communicate, that's the point.
The end.
It got a little lengthy so I'll stop here. : )
HAVE A GOOD DAY!
*I heard that $ is the biggest reason ppl divorce on Moody radio. MOODY NEVA LIES! Reliable sources people!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Thursday, December 30, 2010
The Rules of The New Year's Eve Road
DO dress appropriately for the weather. Cabs get full and plans change, you don't wanna be that guy/girl.
DON'T be surprised (carry extra cash money). Door covers are different and go up and down as the owner/promoter sees fit. It's a dirty game, New Year's Eve partying is, don't lose by forfeiting due to ignorance. It's blissful 'til you can't see your friends or be joyous ringing in the new year.
DO take cabs all night. If you don't live in a cab friendly area, make arrangements to spend that night at a FRIEND'S house (not some guy/girl who you don't really like but are just crashing with because it's convenient, lol). Unless you are NOT drinking at all on NYE, you have no business behind a wheel.
DON'T worry about your friends at the door. If you told them to be somewhere or buy their tickets in advance, and they get there late or don't want to pay the cover, THEIR BAD!
DO not be a cheap ass. Carry cash to check your coat + tip at the venue you're celebrating at. Cash for cab rides + tip. Cash for drinks + tip, if you'd like (I don't think you wanna deal w/ cards @ the bar unless you're getting bottle service). Cash to pay your waiter + tip (again, less hassle w/ the cards, if you ask me). Money enough to stay at the Ritz, just in case, lol (plus tip, ha).
DON'T expect people to stand by their word on New Year's Eve. Make back up plans. Please don't think that people will pay you back for drinks/pay for the next round, lol. Can you tell that people are whack and tend to lose all of their sense on holidays, yet?
DO keep your resolutions in mind. I honestly think that a big part of people failing on resolutions/goals is when they say: This will be my last time (insert res. here)! No, just start, don't put it off.
DON'T break the bank. If you have a budget, stick to it. NYE is not the time to be trying to fit in. If anything, it's time to break away from old, expensive and useless habits. There's no need to be completely wasted or be in a nightclub or spend a lot of money on a pair of shoes that will probably be RUINED by the nights end. Call your friends and cook dinner, rent your fave movie, celebrate with family or splurge if you realize you can afford it. Just don't over extend yourself.
DO realize that, the club isn't going anywhere. Remember the back-up plans I told you to have? Go there. Everybody gets wound up a little on big holidays. It's better to be warm and cozy at midnight then it is to be shivering and getting texts from all of your friends (and people who you probably haven't spoken to in months) e-yelling: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!
DON'T send those mass "Happy New Year!" texts out. Send them to the people that count, add some more sentiment and call it one. It's actually pretty tacky--mass texting--if you ask me.
DO put your enjoyment above all things. Don't let stupid people or things throw you off. No fighting in the clubs or on the streets. Be kind and stay cool.
DON'T wear anything uncomfortable. As a matter of fact, don't really try anything TOO new for your NYE outfit/behavior. Stick to what you can count on for a good time. Carry cute fold-able flats or take precaution and put in shoe liners, thick socks, etc.
DO stick to your limit. We all know that it's a holiday, but that doesn't mean anything. Vomit is never going to be in style and I doubt Chanel will ever make aspirin for that hangover-headache of yours. Honestly: If alcohol makes you "better", you have other--bigger things to consider for yourself in 2011. It's cool to get a LITTLE drunk but, it's not cool to be asleep on the sidewalk and then waking up, wondering where your friends are.
DON'T worry. Just be smart. I don't know much about crime in the downtown areas during NYE. Where I'm from, we all know that people shoot at midnight or before . . . so we prepare accordingly (I personally hide under the dining room table with my thumb on the 9 and a pot on my head! lol -- kidding). If you're carrying cash, tuck some everywhere or, carry a cross body bag vs. a clutch. If strange men/women approach you, make a wise decision on how to avoid them (sometimes it means being direct, sometimes it means finding a place to go into just in case).
DO use protection. For real. If you're one of those people or might accidentally/be inaugurated into that group this weekend, use protection and carry all kinds. Magnums, regular sized (because that's what most men are ANYWAY, lol), latex free in case a guy/girl is allergic. New Years day should be something you reflect on, not regret for the following year (or 18+).
DON'T discount the buddy system. If you're rolling with a crew, keep tabs, ride together, etc. If you roll with a phony/green crew, choose your buddy wisely. People act brand new on New Year's Eve. Pick someone dependable, even if that means bringing someone from the outside of the clique with you. If you're rolling with a big crew, make meet-up points because it's a good chance everyone won't be able to get in. If you're rolling w/ a crew, just expect nothing to go the way it should [too many different opinions/voices]. You really should only be going out with your true friends who you ride the same wave with. This will make you and your friend the control and the night the variable. You guys will have a good time regardless.
DO have a good time. If your boyfriend/girlfriend is sweating you by calling or texting, shut the phone off (if you can). If someone is hitting on you and you don't like them, walk away. I think these are normal things that people should do every day but, I'm guessing that people will pay more attention since it's a holiday post. You'll probably still worry about it but, let someone in a cheerful or good mood brighten your night [NOT cunning people though, we call those creeps for short], jump in on the soul train line, toast to better things and LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH. Those will help you forget your worries.
DON'T leave the house without your essentials:
A fully charged cell phone.
Make-up for touch-ups.
A fully charged camera (attach the wristlet this time, less to worry about).
Cash (even if you plan on using a card all night . . . TAKE CASH WITH YOU! At least $50.).
Something to cover your neck and/or shoulders.
Your I.D.
Gum or breath mints.
Feminine products
Condoms
Flat shoes
*When I walk out of the house, everyday, I literally say: "Keys, I.D., money, cell phone," to myself. Try to travel as light as possible.
DO eat. A lot. It's NYE, you shouldn't be saying: "I have to fit into my dress," to yourself, tonight. It's not the Grammys or Oscars (yet). Relax. You'll thank me in the morning.
DON'T forget to have your hangover remedy stocked up at home. My crew actually does a PRE-drinking "thing" where they all take B12 vitamins. It doesn't do anything for me [side-eye] but, you can research it for yourself and test it out if you want to. Go to Whole Foods and ask the vitamin lady/man which one is best. The last time I bought some, the lady told me there are two different ones so, they should be able to help you.
2010 has been a great year for me. It has been filled with a lot to celebrate and enough to regret. When I do the math, I actually come out in the black, regardless (thanks God). I would like to thank all of my friends, family and supporters who have helped me be the best me in all of my situations this year. 2011 will be a great ride and filled with new lessons and opportunity. I look forward to crossing over into the new year even more fearless than before. Many blessings to you and yours from 2011 until infinity!
Much love,
Melissa of THM
DON'T be surprised (carry extra cash money). Door covers are different and go up and down as the owner/promoter sees fit. It's a dirty game, New Year's Eve partying is, don't lose by forfeiting due to ignorance. It's blissful 'til you can't see your friends or be joyous ringing in the new year.
DO take cabs all night. If you don't live in a cab friendly area, make arrangements to spend that night at a FRIEND'S house (not some guy/girl who you don't really like but are just crashing with because it's convenient, lol). Unless you are NOT drinking at all on NYE, you have no business behind a wheel.
DON'T worry about your friends at the door. If you told them to be somewhere or buy their tickets in advance, and they get there late or don't want to pay the cover, THEIR BAD!
DO not be a cheap ass. Carry cash to check your coat + tip at the venue you're celebrating at. Cash for cab rides + tip. Cash for drinks + tip, if you'd like (I don't think you wanna deal w/ cards @ the bar unless you're getting bottle service). Cash to pay your waiter + tip (again, less hassle w/ the cards, if you ask me). Money enough to stay at the Ritz, just in case, lol (plus tip, ha).
DON'T expect people to stand by their word on New Year's Eve. Make back up plans. Please don't think that people will pay you back for drinks/pay for the next round, lol. Can you tell that people are whack and tend to lose all of their sense on holidays, yet?
DO keep your resolutions in mind. I honestly think that a big part of people failing on resolutions/goals is when they say: This will be my last time (insert res. here)! No, just start, don't put it off.
DON'T break the bank. If you have a budget, stick to it. NYE is not the time to be trying to fit in. If anything, it's time to break away from old, expensive and useless habits. There's no need to be completely wasted or be in a nightclub or spend a lot of money on a pair of shoes that will probably be RUINED by the nights end. Call your friends and cook dinner, rent your fave movie, celebrate with family or splurge if you realize you can afford it. Just don't over extend yourself.
DO realize that, the club isn't going anywhere. Remember the back-up plans I told you to have? Go there. Everybody gets wound up a little on big holidays. It's better to be warm and cozy at midnight then it is to be shivering and getting texts from all of your friends (and people who you probably haven't spoken to in months) e-yelling: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!
DON'T send those mass "Happy New Year!" texts out. Send them to the people that count, add some more sentiment and call it one. It's actually pretty tacky--mass texting--if you ask me.
DO put your enjoyment above all things. Don't let stupid people or things throw you off. No fighting in the clubs or on the streets. Be kind and stay cool.
DON'T wear anything uncomfortable. As a matter of fact, don't really try anything TOO new for your NYE outfit/behavior. Stick to what you can count on for a good time. Carry cute fold-able flats or take precaution and put in shoe liners, thick socks, etc.
DO stick to your limit. We all know that it's a holiday, but that doesn't mean anything. Vomit is never going to be in style and I doubt Chanel will ever make aspirin for that hangover-headache of yours. Honestly: If alcohol makes you "better", you have other--bigger things to consider for yourself in 2011. It's cool to get a LITTLE drunk but, it's not cool to be asleep on the sidewalk and then waking up, wondering where your friends are.
DON'T worry. Just be smart. I don't know much about crime in the downtown areas during NYE. Where I'm from, we all know that people shoot at midnight or before . . . so we prepare accordingly (I personally hide under the dining room table with my thumb on the 9 and a pot on my head! lol -- kidding). If you're carrying cash, tuck some everywhere or, carry a cross body bag vs. a clutch. If strange men/women approach you, make a wise decision on how to avoid them (sometimes it means being direct, sometimes it means finding a place to go into just in case).
DO use protection. For real. If you're one of those people or might accidentally/be inaugurated into that group this weekend, use protection and carry all kinds. Magnums, regular sized (because that's what most men are ANYWAY, lol), latex free in case a guy/girl is allergic. New Years day should be something you reflect on, not regret for the following year (or 18+).
DON'T discount the buddy system. If you're rolling with a crew, keep tabs, ride together, etc. If you roll with a phony/green crew, choose your buddy wisely. People act brand new on New Year's Eve. Pick someone dependable, even if that means bringing someone from the outside of the clique with you. If you're rolling with a big crew, make meet-up points because it's a good chance everyone won't be able to get in. If you're rolling w/ a crew, just expect nothing to go the way it should [too many different opinions/voices]. You really should only be going out with your true friends who you ride the same wave with. This will make you and your friend the control and the night the variable. You guys will have a good time regardless.
DO have a good time. If your boyfriend/girlfriend is sweating you by calling or texting, shut the phone off (if you can). If someone is hitting on you and you don't like them, walk away. I think these are normal things that people should do every day but, I'm guessing that people will pay more attention since it's a holiday post. You'll probably still worry about it but, let someone in a cheerful or good mood brighten your night [NOT cunning people though, we call those creeps for short], jump in on the soul train line, toast to better things and LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH. Those will help you forget your worries.
DON'T leave the house without your essentials:
A fully charged cell phone.
Make-up for touch-ups.
A fully charged camera (attach the wristlet this time, less to worry about).
Cash (even if you plan on using a card all night . . . TAKE CASH WITH YOU! At least $50.).
Something to cover your neck and/or shoulders.
Your I.D.
Gum or breath mints.
Feminine products
Condoms
Flat shoes
*When I walk out of the house, everyday, I literally say: "Keys, I.D., money, cell phone," to myself. Try to travel as light as possible.
DO eat. A lot. It's NYE, you shouldn't be saying: "I have to fit into my dress," to yourself, tonight. It's not the Grammys or Oscars (yet). Relax. You'll thank me in the morning.
DON'T forget to have your hangover remedy stocked up at home. My crew actually does a PRE-drinking "thing" where they all take B12 vitamins. It doesn't do anything for me [side-eye] but, you can research it for yourself and test it out if you want to. Go to Whole Foods and ask the vitamin lady/man which one is best. The last time I bought some, the lady told me there are two different ones so, they should be able to help you.
2010 has been a great year for me. It has been filled with a lot to celebrate and enough to regret. When I do the math, I actually come out in the black, regardless (thanks God). I would like to thank all of my friends, family and supporters who have helped me be the best me in all of my situations this year. 2011 will be a great ride and filled with new lessons and opportunity. I look forward to crossing over into the new year even more fearless than before. Many blessings to you and yours from 2011 until infinity!
Much love,
Melissa of THM
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Old White Men
So, the other day I was sending all these names of fine ass women that I wanted my boyfriend to Google. His first question was... "Should I wonder why you are checking out hot women?" I thought "Yes," but, I played it cool with, "I mean, you can't deny a beautiful woman when you see one, can you?" Then he asked, "Well, what men do you think are attractive?" I didn't know. There are no famous men who I just swoon over. Not Brad, not Denzel, not Johnny. I didn't have an answer, until I found this blog called The Impossible Cool. Thanks to this blog, I realized that I have a thing for old white men! Old men in general but, for the sake of tying the title with the post, they are mostly old and white . . . and FINE!
Marlon Brando
Marlon Brando
Cary Grant
Clint Eastwood
Paul Newman
James Dean
My theory is that I think these men are attractive because my parents basically raised me on classic films and WTTW. I already have this thing for all things old school so, the blog caught my eye but the deeper I went, the more I was like: HE IS SO, FINE! save to desktop -- lol.
So there you have it, babe! I find old white actors fine, even in their old age, honestly. Paul Newman!? Clint Eastwood!? Yes please!
And now the world knows. And I am embarrassed, lol. What if I told you that a masked man stood with a gun to my head saying that I MUST confess my secret to the whole innanets?
Ahhh, that feels better. : )
So there you have it, babe! I find old white actors fine, even in their old age, honestly. Paul Newman!? Clint Eastwood!? Yes please!
And now the world knows. And I am embarrassed, lol. What if I told you that a masked man stood with a gun to my head saying that I MUST confess my secret to the whole innanets?
Ahhh, that feels better. : )
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